Depression: Let’s Talk.

Hi guys, I’m writing in reply to the World Health Organization Day theme for this year, 2017.

(To view my 2013 post about Hypertension, click the link: https://thetesleem.wordpress.com/2013/04/07/hypertension )

I guess, to different people, feeling/being depressed means different things. That is why I didn’t start this piece with a “standard” definition of the term (WebMD definition). There’s a spectrum of actions and reactions that constitute individual mental strengths. This may makes it difficult to decide based on symptoms what someone else is suffering from, without proper diagnosis.

I noticed major changes to my behaviour from about 2012. I had gone through something that I honestly haven’t been able to shake and recover from for years now. This led to always wanting to being detached from my environment, frequent mood swings, overthinking everything everytime……

Symptoms according to WebMD include:

-Feeling sad, anxious, or empty

-Not enjoying things you used to enjoy

-Feeling restless or irritable

-Suicide thoughts

For me, it has been a flux between bad moods, unhealthy eating habits, memory loss (deliberate and not so deliberate), short attention span.

Now, I can categorically tell you WHAT ARE NOT the solutions to depression.

Self pity does not do you any favours. As you will come to find out, you must attempt to brave through situations by first feeling good about yourself.

Drugs and other substance abuse is a common “escape” from your worries. One day you’re feeling depressed and you think; I’m gonna smoke a little weed man, get me lifted. Next day, toke some more to elevate from the stress. Fast-forward to a month later, you might not be able to distinguish between whether you’re smoking weed because you’re depressed, or you’re depressed because you’re smoking weed! This only complicates matters further most times.

Do not attach your feelings of happiness or self worth to another human being, because human beings leave. Whenever you feel down about a certain situation, take a step back to reassess, chances are you will realize that it wasn’t all gloom. Try to find happiness in yourself, no matter how small.

What to do: Exercise regularly, try to eat properly, laugh a little more everyday, set goals and meet them (this helps to elevate how you feel about yourself, and current situation). Most importantly, and can not be stressed nearly enough: SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP. There are people that trained for this, and understand the condition better, from a medical perspective. Please endeavour to visit a professional if you’re not dealing well enough.

In case you are not going through anything that this post talked about, I implore you to spread the word so that people that are, know that they are not alone. I implore you from today, to treat your mental health and that of others as a big f***ing deal. You might be the difference between life and death.

 If you need to talk, get at me:

ifeoyewale@live.com

Tweets by ife_sleem

Happy 7th of April.

Happy birthday to me.

Real Faces

If I gave you a mask,
was ahead of you a thousand paces,
gave you a real reason to hate me,
Will I then see your real faces?

You, Know Me?

My mother says I’m real quick to anger

That must be true

She knows me better than you

 

I’m probably ___  like my ___

I have most characteristics that he do

This part usually leaves me feeling blue

 

But no matter,

With time, flowers bloom

And butterflies emerge their cocoon

 

LONE

Photo-credit: Instagram User

The road I walk is lonesome. Phases come and go. I hardly mean this in regular terms, like when you had an awesome summer and three years later, you’re posting #TBT pictures. I mean phases for me disappear, with almost no trace. And while I’ve gotten used to living this way, it has its tells. I fail to enjoy anything, because it will be gone in no time. I’d decided against pictures, because, what memories do you speak of. Making friends was just a way of finding new people that will end up ignoring me, after days, weeks or months. Falling in love, a hopeless affair.

I am taking the time out to put this piece together, because the end of another phase looms. I can already feel the dearth of emotions/affection that preceded all previous phases. I don’t shed tears in the event of this eventuality, I don’t bask in it either. Just come and go.

I thank my friends. It’s been real. The girls that put out, all warm feelings; the ones that would at my touch scowl, the ones that couldn’t wait to go, no. I felt more when I held in my hand a dead pigeon(last week) than when it was your titties. But really, no hard feelings, I still know I’m amazing. You have all been actors, and you made like Gunplay & Pill Wale & Meek Mill… you played your part.

I don’t know if you have merely been an actress (a part of my imagination), or my girlfriend (apart from my imagination) but what I share with you is mostly pure. I hold neither grudges, nor congratulations whichever category you fall in the above, because above all, it’s been real. At the time of writing this, we are not over. I can’t say this for the morrow, or after the morrow.

I now brace myself for the future, but if I ever read this in said future, I will look back upon certain people, at certain moments, and I will thank you for those crosses between space and time that eventually have given me something to look back to.

 

Clouds Always Float Past.

Like cigarette smoke
The bit that stays might do you more harm
But the rest will with the wind
Float past.

Clouds rain showers
What follows is good or bad
Depending on where it hits you
In the end the sky still clears.

You are my world
Yet you present me with all the worries in the world
I cannot live without you, you believe
Until you leave.

If all the smoke
And all my worries in the world
Should meld into one dark cloud
It will float past.

Tranquility.

If life were as simple as the day we were born

And everything goes the way we want

Then it won’t matter who lost and who won

 

If the light wind that blew offered serenity

Wave after wave that swept away ignominy

Replaced  by the ecstasy of fondling with lush titties

 

If the brisk stream waters pumped through our hearts

And this dilution, we effortlessly spread about

Maybe we wouldn’t be so salty all the time

 

If filled with the gaiety of the setting sun

So that as humanity’s dusk approaches, we’d needn’t run

Instead, find comfort within each and every one

 

I have a dream;

 

Tranquility is the new legal tender

And we didn’t border about the barrier between tribes and skin colour

And our goals were similar; make the next man happier

And we all lived happily ever after…

 

But, I must awaken from my slumber.

Stop Playing The Victim

Stop playing the victim
Even though that is the role I’m constantly offering you
Play well the hand you were dealt
Stop playing the victim

Stop playing the victim
Even though that is the role I’m constantly offering you
Play well the hand you were dealt
Stop playing the victim

Stop playing the victim
Even though that is the role I’m constantly offering you
Play well the hand you were dealt
Stop playing the victim

Stop playing the victim
Even though that is the role I’m constantly offering you
Play well the hand you were dealt
Stop playing the victim

Peace, by Piece.

I’m often up at midnight

Staring through the ceiling

Doused in sweat and hurt

Never tears

 

I’m alarmed, of course

By all the thoughts

Of my life going off course

Still I stay calm

 

I try to find peace

So I cop a glock

From a policeman

Of course

 

I point it to my head

And try to hold these thoughts

Of pure filth at ransom

It’s a standoff

 

The cold nose of this piece pressed against my temple

Makes my spine shiver

And my bones quiver

But my chest warms up, as my heart beats faster

 

Till all my wrong thoughts flee

But the immoral ones dig deep, beneath

To avoid the medley

To die another day

 

And I can on this day

Sleep in peace

And tomorrow

I wrote this piece.

Empty Stadiums.

Stadium night lights,
Still empty and dark
Look into my eyes
Still empty and dark

Try again, after I blink
The windows creak
My soul has abandoned home
For many weeks

I dream for a lovely city
Pretty girls with lush titties
But from where do I start?
When I still feel empty and dark

This is no ballad
To what I’d have had
But it is really hard
To perceive this otherwise

As I grow older
I should become wise
But I’m stuck, soul-yearning
Feeling empty and dark